American Journal of Public Health in a recent study found that a child’s social skills are one of the most significant determinants of his/her success in adult life. As parents, we often get frustrated by watching our child struggling through different phases in life. While school settings does a lot of that work for us, developing social skills require far more efforts by parents from the start.
Several psychologists believe that babies are ultimate socialites who start bonding with people around them every waking minute. The relationship that children have with their parents and caregivers as babies, form the foundation of their future relationships. So parents need to make sure that they form a stable and secure base for their children.
5 Key Social Skills for Children
As parents of children from primary and middle-school age, there are five main social skills that every parent should strive to develop.
- Sharing and Cooperating
- Listening and Discussing
- Making Eye Contact
- Respecting Personal Space
- Using manners
Benefits of developing Social Skills
There are several benefits of developing good social skills in children at early age. Children with good social skills tend to easily make new friends, are more assertive and confident and can deal more effectively with failures. However, there are several misconceptions about social skills among parents which needs to be identified before moving on to those social skills.
The personality of every child differs from each other. The world is almost equally divided into introverts and extroverts. And yet, parents of an introverted child are often found panicking to try and adjust their child into the world of extroverts. Social skills are not always an inherent quality but can be developed based on individualistic traits of each child. Moreover, social skills do not pertain to making friends or hanging out in large circles but how to make way through various circles and interactions on our way to adult life.
Based on various studies, following 5 social skills should be fostered in a child:
1. Sharing and Cooperating
Sharing and cooperating with others is one of the most significant social skill that parents should aim to develop from start. A study by Psychological Science, found that young children show their desire to share as long as they have abundance of things to share. However, as children grow up, they have a tendency to develop concept of fairness and might show reluctance to share their belongings especially if they are limited.
- What can parents do?
For starters, to inculcate habit of sharing and cooperating with others, instead of telling kids right away to share their belongings, focus more on appreciating such acts even when other people do that. Tell your kids how act of sharing makes people happy and how kind this act is. Whenever you kid shares something with anyone, point out how he/she has made the other person happy. This will provide a motivation and incentive for your child to share and cooperative with other people. This also creates emotion of empathy towards happiness of other people.
2. Listening and Discussing
Having the patience to listen to other person without interrupting or having a desire to continuously speak about yourself is an important social skill. A lot of people do not have the etiquettes of engaging in conversations. With the new digital world and online socializing, conversations have become more about oneself and own opinion. Children should learn the real meaning of conversation as it is another aspect of being empathetic as well as becoming a good learner. The listening and discussing skills go a long way in your child’s life whether its education, at job with boss and subordinates or spouse and children.
- What can parents do?
Taking turns in conversation, role plays, singing duets, discussion among family members on topic of mutual interest, are few activities where you can teach your child the importance of letting the other person finish their sentence before he/she can present their opinion. If your child interrupts someone in their conversation, try to politely point that out right there to make them understand your point. Moreover, during story telling or important conversation, make a habit of occasionally pause and ask you child what they have understood so far to make them more attentive to conversations and develop habit of listening intently.
3. Making Eye Contact
Whether your child is an introvert or shy, making proper eye contact is a social skill that they need to learn. Making eye contact does not just reflect confidence or authority, it is a sign of giving respect to the other person who is in conversation with you. A good eye contact can go a long way in establishing relationships whether at school, among friends or family. Avoiding eye contact due to shyness or due to indulgence in any other activity is a signal that the child is not interested in what the other person is saying and goes against respectable social behavior.
- What can parents do?
Communicate with your child about significance of eye contact and what it represents. While you should not push your shy child for eye contact, you can softly remind them where their eyes should be during conversation. You can also show them how it feels when someone does not make eye contact by asking them to tell you an interesting story and then stare at floor or look away while they are telling you the story. Later ask them how it felt as this can give them a perspective on this issue.
4. Respecting Personal Space
Children are free by nature and do not have concept of personal space. Specifically, when it comes to people they are close with, children often climb up on sofas or chairs beside them, enter rooms without permission, eat or drink from same cutlery without considering other person’s choice or push people in lines. These habits often carry on to adolescence and adult life and are considered quite repulsive and socially frowned upon.
- What can parents do?
Start from your own home and teach your children boundaries of personal space. Encourage knocking on closed doors, taking permission before using someone else’s belongings, waiting for your turn before going to washroom, never cut into a queue and keeping one’s hands to themselves. Moreover, any time you feel your child has breached personal space of someone, politely rectify them right away.
Learn Basic Etiquettes and Manners
A well-mannered child is liked by all for all the good reasons. It displays child’s moral development, empathetic and considerate nature, politeness, and humbleness. Basic etiquettes and manners means a child knows how to respect everyone in his/her presence by showing gratitude if someone does a favor, apologizing if the they makes any mistake, and understanding the manners of eating, coughing, or sneezing in front of people.
- What can parents do?
Teach your child to use phrases of ‘thank you’, ‘sorry’, ‘excuse me’, and greetings as and when needed. Also, teach them how to ask for permission by using ‘please’ or ‘May I?’ if they need anything. Tell them which acts are not acceptable in public like nose picking, yawning without covering mouth etc. Do remember to praise your child when you see him/her portraying good manners and etiquettes to encourage them.
